Since my last post a lot has occurred. Wagner and I recently transitioned from the rolling hills and gigantic mountains of Pennsylvania to the flatlands of Kansas. To say that the ride was smooth is not at all accurate, however; we are here and we are adjusting to the new climate, the new neighbors, and new jobs.
The Lord has provided for us in SO many ways. The job Wagner received in Kansas is only one of the many blessings that has been given to us.
On June 15, Wagner and I packed up our belongings and our cat as we began an 18 hour trek toward Kansas. Our truck had already headed out and the last things on our “list” were our pain-filled and heart-breaking goodbyes. My eyes even at this moment start to brim with tears as I think of the students I hugged, friends that became family in such a short time, and my actual family who waved us off as we drove out of the driveway.
Since the move, I have experienced several different emotions. It ranges from excitement for a new adventure, joy for the gift of the job God gave Wagner, and peace that this is where the Lord wanted Wagner and I. But on the flip side there has been grief for the normalcy and comfortability that was found in Pennsylvania.
Partly, I haven’t wanted to post about the move because I didn’t want to admit that I struggled largely with distrust and doubt. But we all have our seasons and spaces where we need the gentle nudge or reminder that He is never the inconsistent one and that change is sometimes the necessary pruning of things that prohibited us from growing.
The days have not been easy. I have experienced loneliness on a deeper level. The unfamiliarity of the roads have caused a couple of meltdowns. The lack of having a church that we can consistently attend is discouraging. The amount of coffee I have consumed has doubled. Okay, maybe tripled. Our stuff resides in several disheveled cardboard boxes at a local storage unit. I have cried enough in these last few weeks for the next few years.
To say the least, it hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine. In fact, the weather here in Kansas seems to fluctuate and change within 5 minutes which hasn’t provided any consistency either. All in all, the move right now can be graded a 5 out of 10.
However, slowly, I have been learning that the Lord has me right where He wants me. Change is always difficult whether it is ranked as a minor or major difficulty, you can decide. In my reading, I saw a quote by John Piper that seemed ridiculously simple, yet struck exactly where I was at. And it encouraged me to look at this move differently.
“God sees all things perfectly, even when we can’t. Our personal feelings don’t dictate what is actually true.”
God sees all things perfectly. Which is comforting because I don’t. I have no idea what tomorrow holds. I don’t know what the next few hours hold. I don’t know what people God has planned for me to meet. I don’t know what church He has for both Wagner and I to attend and plug into. So whether I feel like nothing is going right or if everything is going right, it doesn’t matter because He does know all those things. He has orchestrated them all and displaying His glory is what matters most.
My surroundings have changed. Grocery store locations and names are diverse. My schedule has diverted from being overly populated with duties and responsibilities to transforming into a blank space that is open to exploring this beautiful new city and learning more about what is, for now, and unfamiliar community.
The tears still come, especially when I am reminded of home where a lot of my life was built. It is okay to acknowledge that the move was difficult and in some ways I still grieve over it, but He has me right where He wants me. And I have to acknowledge that as well and live accordingly. He has given me a new city to share His light.
So, for those who read this blog, I pray that if you are in the same situation you find encouragement that our God is faithful and it doesn’t fluctuate based on our personal feelings in fact, this is more of a charge for both you and I to remember God’s steadfast love and to be even more diligent to guard ourselves against falsehood that is produced from our own hearts.
This blog post is also shared to offer up my own personal plea for prayer on behalf of both Wagner and I. I ask for prayer that Wagner and I would find a church that we can faithfully attend and serve alongside. I ask for prayer concerning the job environments and the people we interact with that we would share the light of Christ with our every action and deed so that we may live a manner of life that is worthy of Him. I ask for prayer that no matter what feelings come, we always cling to truth which is unfading and not due to change.